


The one where they're in a group chat

by cracked_plate



Series: ‘The one where’ series [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chaos, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gay Bill Denbrough, Gay Richie Tozier, Georgie Denbrough Lives, Goats, Group Chat Fic, High School, I Blame Tumblr, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wanted to jump on this bandwagon pls, Lesbian Beverly Marsh, M/M, Mike Hanlon Deserves Nice Things, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Texting, and i will protect him at all costs, because there aren't enough with these babies, he has so many, he is a sweet boy, i wanted to try it out :(, just plants in general really, richie is a slut for cacti, richie tozier/bill denbrough because i said so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2020-12-27 16:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21121442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cracked_plate/pseuds/cracked_plate
Summary: Like i said in the tags its just a chaotic text fic because there aren't enough with these babies. i don't regret a thing.





	1. happy crimmus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its christmas time ! ( but not really because its only november )

11:37pm

son > mother

[son] bev should i make a group chat with all the losers in it?

[mother] richie that would be absoloute chaos

[mother] everyone will hate it

[mother] do it

[son] i knew u would like the idea

_richie has started a group chat!_

_richie has added bev, stan, and four others!_

_richie named the chat 'happy crimmus'_

[richie] happy crimmus bitches

[stan] Please no, I'm too tired.

[richie] shut your fuck. tis the season to be festive fa la la la la la la la la

[stan] I hate you. Those aren't even the words. 

[bev] omg you actually did it

[richie] of course i did

[bev] hold on

_bev has changed their name to festive bitch_

[richie] :/ u really gonna steal my name like that huh

[richie] yous a bitch

[festive bitch] im aware :))

[richi] im scared of that smile

[festive bitch] as u should be

[stan] Please stop texting. It's almost midnight. Go to bed.

[richie] no

[festive bitch] no

[eddie] can u guys shut the fuck up im trying to sleep and my phone keeps going off

[richie] eds! eddie spaghetti!! eddie my love!! ur here!!!!!

[eddie] thats not my name

[richie] which one isnt

[eddie] all of them

[festive bitch] aLl oF tHeM

[richie] lmao i just pictured the spongebob meme

[festive bitch] good thats what it was supposed to be like

[eddie] im muting this and going to bed

[eddie] goodnight assholes

[stan] I'm going to bed too. Goodnight Eddie.

[richie] goodnight eds <3

[festive bitch] loser

[festive bitch] richie u whore did u just send a HEART

[richie] im a whore for my eds

[spooky bitch] but what about bill i thought u were a whore for him

[richie] u didnt hear it but i just choked

[spooky bitch] on his dick?

[richie] literally shut ur fuck

son > mother

[son] bev pls

[son] u know i dont want bill to know :((

[mother] right sorry but u know that nothing will happen if u never tell him right?

[son] he isnt even gay bev pls

[mother] lmao

[son] what

[son] bev what does that mean

[son] BEV

_read at 11:59pm_

_festive bitch has changed richie's name to 'whore'_

_whore has changed their name to 'king'_

_festive bitch has changed king's name to 'trash'_

[trash] ok thats valid

[festive bitch] lmao

[festive bitch] im gonna go pass out u better sleep

[trash] no promises but gn bev ihy <3

[festive bitch] gn i hate u too <3

* * *

9:01am

[mike] wtf i missed so much

[mike] curse my need for sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a halloween chapter but i didn't get it out in time so i just changed all of it to fit for christmas , im sorry if i missed anything hhhhh


	2. losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow look , a chapter ! anyways , richie and bill are useless gays , mike hates sleeping , and richie is crying.

9:01am

happy crimmus

[mike] wtf i missed so much

[mike] curse my need for sleep

[stan] Goodmorning Mike

[mike] goodmorning stab :)

[festive bitch] osgbfdiusbdfi sTAB

[mike] thats the ugliest keysmash ive ever seen with my own two eyes

_festive bitch has changed stan's name to 'stab'_

[stab] I hate you all.

[trash] u love us

[stab] Debatable.

[bill] why are u all on ur phones in class

[festive bitch] u are too

[bill] touche

[stab] Why is the gc name 'happy crimmus' it's literally November

[festive bitch] its always crimmus u fuckign grinch

[stab] I'm Jewish , we don't celebrate christmas. Even if we did , we would never celebrate this early.

[trash] i'm jewish too but i still celebrate christmas. choke.

[festive bitch] isnt that ur job when b

[mike] he killed her bef

[bill] his job when what

[eddie] lmao we lost two of them folks

[stab] Good, maybe it'll be quieter in here.

[festive bitch] im back

[mike] me too :D

[trash] omg wait

_trash has changed eddie's name to 'meds'_

_trash has changed mike's name to 'mike n ike'_

[festive bitch] 'meds' 

[festive bitch] iconic

[ben] hi guys!! :)

[meds] fuck u richie 

[trash] are u offering?

[meds] ibjsdf

[mike n ike] he just fucking choked

[festive bitch] lmao

[festive bitch] hi bed

[bill] bed

[mike n ike] bed

[meds] bed

[trash] bed

[festive bitch] this is cyberbullying

[trash] boo hoo u big baby

[ben] bed

[festive bitch] ben not u too i thought we were friends

[ben] we are!! im sorry! :(

_trash has changed ben's name to 'bed'_

[festive bitch] wait

_festive bitch has changed bill's name to 'treat'_

_festive bitch has changed trash's name to 'trick'_

[festive bitch] :)

[treat] why am i treat?

[trick] it suits u. u are a treat ;)

[festive bitch] holy shit iM SO PROUD OF U FOR THAT

[trick] thank u

bill > richie

[bill] ur a treat too

[richie] im WHAT

[richie] sbfsdbg bILL

[richie] biLL im a WHAT

_read at 9:45am_

son > mother

[son] billandrichieconvo.jpg

[son] b E VERlY

[mother] omg u miGHT NOT BE A USELESS GAY FOR MUCH LONGER

[son] b ev i dont know hw to fun ction

_bev has created a group chat!_

_bev has added mike, stan, ben, and eddie!_

_bev named the chat 'not so useless gays?'_

[bev] guys omg

[bev] billandrichieconvo.jpg

[stan] Congrats, they've leveled up from useless gays to slightly less useless gays.

[mike] stan omg u

[bev] lmao

* * *

4:32pm

happy crimmus

[trick] guys im ctying 


	3. the chaos begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> literally just chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ignore the fact that im switching between being literate and using shit like 'u' and 'ok' , i get lazy sometimes. 
> 
> also , sorry its short but im tired , i just had to get something up y'all.

4:32pm

[trick] guys im ctying

[mike n ike] what happened rich?

[festive bitch] whose ass do i need to beat

[treat] richie are you alright?

[trick] no. i want to die.

[mike n ike] wait how about no??

[meds] richie what the fuck

[meds] where are you

[treat] ^^

[stab] Richard stop being so fucking dramatic.

[stab] His cactus died.

[trick] stan i loved him ok

[trick] i miss him. god has betrayed me. i crave death.

[treat] you scared the fuck out of us asshole

[festive bitch] richie you cant do that shit

[mike n ike] we thought you were in trouble or something

[bed] wait what did i miss

[meds] i shouldve known you were being dramatic again

[festive bitch] wait stan is he actually crying

[stab] Yeah. It's pretty funny, actually.

[trick] fuck off no im not

[trick] dont expode e like that

[stab] You can't even type right :/

[festive bitch] stan did you just use an emoticon

[trick] stan thats illegal

[mike n ike] i screenshotted. this will go down in the history books

[trick] mike 

[mike n ike] huh

[trick] that is horrible. how could you torment poor stan like that.

[trick] send me the screenshot tho i need it

[stab] Literally fuck you all.

[trick] thats kinky staniel. didnt know you were into that kind of thing eyes emoji

[festive bitch] did u fucking type out eyes emoji

[trick] yeah 

[trick] what of it

[meds] oh no ...

[stab] Do it Beverly

[mike n ike] wait no

[bed] do what ??

[trick] yeah do what?

_festive bitch has removed trick from the chat_

[mike n ike] ASGSDG she aCTUALYL DID IT

[festive bitch] did you think i wouldnt

[mike n ike] kind of yeah

_festive bitch has removed mike n ike from the chat_

[meds] oh no

[meds] ben make her bring them back

_festive bitch has removed meds from the chat_

[bed] wait bring them back

[festive bitch] no

[bed] please ?

[festive bitch] no

[stab] Don't do it 

[bed] :(

[festive bitch] ugh fine. you ruin all my fun

[bed] :)

_festive bitch has added meds to the chat_

_festive bitch has added mike n ike to the chat_

[mike n ike] no richie ?

[festive bitch] he doesn't deserve to come back yet

[mike n ike] fair

[stab] So we'll have peace for a little while at least

[meds] ur so mean

[bed] ill make sure she brings him back

[festive bitch] no u wont

[bed] yes i will

[festive bitch] yes he will

[mike n ike] shes whipped

[meds] true

[festive bitch] stfu

[treat] what did i miss

[mike n ike] scroll up

[treat] oh 

[treat] you aren't gonna bring richie back yet ?

[festive bitch] lmaoo

[mike n ike] yike

[meds] orsgbfds

[treat] what

[treat] what are you laughing at

[stab] Wait. Don't tell him. 

[festive bitch] i wasnt going to

richie < stan

[richie] i wanna come back

[richie] stan pls

[richie] staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaniel

[richie] stanny boy

[richie] staniel urine

[stan] God, would you shut up? She'll add you back later.

[richie] oh ok.

[stan] What, no stupid comment?

_read at 4:58pm_

[stan] rich?

_read at 4:59pm_


	4. festive time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its monday and they just wanna be excited about christmas. also , richie and bill are dumbass gays as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again , this chapter was originally about halloween but i didn't get it out on time , so please let me know if i missed changing anything !

10:00am

happy crimmus

_treat has changed their name to big bill_

_treat has changed mike n ikes name to bichael_

_treat has added trick to the chat_

[big bill] do u guys wanna come over tomorrow and watch some christmas movies?

[bed] its almost christmas :D

[trick] im back bitches

_trick has changed their name to trash_

[bed] ill be coming

[big bill] exactly!

[trash] is georgie gonna watch with us?

[trash] bc if not i dont wanna. georgie is my favorite person

[big bill] ill ask him

[bed] i miss georgie

[bichael] georgie is the best

[festive bitch] i heard we were talking about georgie and i just wanted to say that i lov him so much

[festive bitch] more than i love myself and of course im going

[trash] mood

[stab] Sure, I'll go, but I can't be there until after three.

[big bill] he said to tell richie he says hi and also that he'll watch with us

[big bill] and thats fine we can all meet up at my place around four

[trash] omg hi georgie!! 

[big bill] anfskdj he says he loves you. i. cant believe my brother loves you more than he loves me.

[trash] hes the only one who loves me

[big bill] no he's not??? i love you??

12:00pm

<3 richie > bill <3 

[<3 richie] b ever ly !! he. im. ga y and pa nicking

[bill <3] ???

[<3 richie] o fuck

[<3 richie] pls ignore 

[bill <3] no??

[bill <3] ur gay??

[bill <3] and panicking??

[bill <3] richie

[bill <3] r i c h i e

12:10pm

son > bevvy <3

[son] _richieisgay.jpg_

[son] i fucked up

[bevvy <3] first of all ur an idiot

[bevvy <3] second of all how did u mix our names up??

[bevvy <3] third of all "bill <3"

[son] literally shut ur fuck

[son] and ur name is "bevvy <3" in my phone i saw the b and the heart and messaged and now im fukcing want to die

[bevvy <3] is he still messaging u?

[son] yes my phone is vibrating like a damn sex toy

[bevvy <3] lmao

[bevvy <3] just answer him 

[son] what the fuck do i say?? 'hey yeah im having a gay panic and its for u, wanna go out?'

[bevvy <3] yes

[son] ur no help 

[son] oop i gotta go

[bevvy <3] richie no i was kidding

[bevvy <3] richie pls 

_read at 12:17pm_

1:30pm

happy crimmus

[festive bitch] have any of u talked to richie today  


[big bill] i was but he stopped responding

[bichael] no

[spaghetti] why?

[spaghetti] also why the fuck is my name spaghetti

[festive bitch] we were talking earlier and he hasnt responded in a while

[festive bitch] i think hes mad at me or smth

[stab] Hold on.

[festive bitch] ??

[bed] why would he be mad?

[bichael] ^^

[spaghetti] ^^

[festive bitch] no reason

[spaghetti] theres obviously a reason bev

[stab] I'm getting him now.

[festive bitch] how tf did u do that? im gonna kill him

[festive bitch] tell him to text me pls

[stab] "no"

[festive bitch] tell him i'll buy him coffee

[stab] "no"

[spaghetti] did richie just say no to coffee?

[stab] I have to go, I'm driving. 

[festive bitch] you cant just leave us without an answer??

_mom had started a group chat!_

_mom added eds, mike, ben :), stan, and bill!_

_mom changed the chat name to 'richie protection squad' (rps)_

mom: hm

[ben :)] im gonna hug him tomorrow :(

[mike] me and him were gonna go see the animals after school, so im already doing something with him

[bill] are we all just gonna do nice things for him?

[mom] yes.

[mom] u should take him for ice cream after mikes :)))

[bill] ok?? i guess im taking him out for ice cream

[stan] Richie is trying to look at my phone, stop messaging in here.

[mom] yes sir

3:00pm

happy crimmus

[trash] hi

[spaghetti] are u ok?

[bed] richie!! hi!

[festive bitch] u a bitch

[festive bitch] are u ok tho

_trash has changed festive bitches name to mom_

[big bill] text me :(

[bichael] bill

[big bill] sorry are u ok?

[bichael] u had us worried you havent been on like,,,all day

[bichael] it was uncomfortably quiet

[trash] im fine

[trash] well im not fine but im fine

[spaghetti] wtf does that mean

[spaghetti] are you hurt??

[trash] lmao yeah it was a wild day

[spaghetti] what the fuck richard

[trash] oooh, full first name? kinky

[mom] richie why are u hurt

[mom] who do we need to hurt??

[spaghetti] yeah who do we need to hurt?

[trash] eddie u cant even talk to someone without getting nervous ok

[big bill] richie

[big bill] answer the damn question

[trash] christ okay. i called bowers a furry and he obviously didn't find it as funny as i did

[trash] dont worry tho, stanny patched me up all nice nice.

[stab] Shut up, Richie. I had to drive all the way over to his dumb ass and bring him home. He's fine now.

[big bill] thank u stan.

[big bill] richie u are the dumbest person ever, talking to bowers like that

[trash] u love me tho

[big bill] i do

[trash] wait what

[big bill] oh look at that i have to go

[mom] oh my god it happened again

[trash] bill i swear to fuck wHAT DOES ThAT MENA

[mom] mena

[trash] literally shut ur fuck beverly

son > mother

son: BEv what do I FUCING DO IM haVINg A crISSIS here

mother: text him??

son: that is the worst idea

son: im so fucknig gay

mother: we been knew

Bill > Stan

Bill: stan what have i done

Bill: stan pls hes going to find out

Stan: Don't be an idiot, just tell him.

<3 richie > bill <3

<3 richie: bill what did u mean

<3 richie: like were u being serious

<3 richie: bill pls

bill <3: no 

bill <3: i was kidding

<3 richie: oh

<3 richie: ok

bill <3: why?

bill <3: richie?

_read at 3:55pm_

son > mother

son: _richieandbillconvo.jpg_

mother: of course he meant it

mother: richie u and bill are the biggest dumbasses on the planet.

son: no he didnt

son: i dont know why i thought he might have actually meant it :/

mother: richie i thought you were supposed to be the smart one here

Bill > Stan

Bill: _billbeingadumbass.jpg_

Bill: i may have been dumb and fucked up

Stan: Bill what the fuck.

_bev made a group chat!_

_bev added mike, stan, ben, and eds to the chat!_

_bev named the group chat 'please make it stop'_

[bev] pls i cant do this anymore

[bev] _richiebeingadumbass.jpg_

[stan] This is amusing to watch.

[eds] they ,,,

[mike] who do u think is gonna admit to their feelings first? 

[mike] to each other, i mean

[bev] at this rate? neither. they will just be dumb pining gays for the rest of their lives and i will have to suffer through richies whining for the rest of my life. i will be old and gray and sitting by a window, knitting in my rocking chair and richie will be whining about how much he loves bill and is having a gay crisis. the last thing i will hear will be "bev im so gay."

[eds] that ... was oddly specific

[eds] but yes, it will happen.

[stan] Bill is constantly whining about it. I know how you feel.

[stan] _billyouidiot.jpg_

[stan] Nevermind I can't do this anymore.

[bev] ioafbsihbdg

[mike] that is literally the ugliest key smash

[mike] also can we talk about what y'all name your files

[bev] no

[mike] ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i never explained why richie was in a mood last chapter , but i'm getting to it i promise ! kudos are appreciated and constructive criticism is welcome ! 
> 
> i'm sorry this chapter is all over the place , i didn't know what direction i wanted to take it and this took like , four days to write ( i don't write much lmaoo )
> 
> update : also didn't get THIS chapter out on time ( obviously. it's the day after christmas now ) because i. procrastinate the shit out of literally. everything.


	5. according to all known laws of aviation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me ? updating my book once every three years ? more likely than u think. i cant keep a consistent schedule for shit and im sorry.
> 
> haha 3069 words. nice.

January 1, 2:20pm

_trash has changed the chat name to 'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'_

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[stab] Are you serious?

[mom] richie u genius

[trash] yes staniel i am serious

[trash] thank u beverly

[big bill] please tell me you guys didnt let him watch the bee movie again

[spaghetti] you think we had a choice?

[bed] i didnt think it would be this bad!

[trash] yall out here talkin bout me like i cant see smh

[mom] technically u cant thats why u have glasses

[trash] im trying to make a point beverly

[mom] sorry continue

[stab] I blame every single one of you for the suffering you're putting me through.

[big bill] hey! i wasnt even there! 

[stab] It's still your fault.

[big bill] :/

[bed] anyways...

[trash] its the new year how we feelin folks

[spaghetti] like i want to die 

[trash] haha same

[big bill] im tried

[big bill] tired

[trash] tried

[mom] tried

[bed] tried

[stab] Tried.

[spaghetti] tried

[big bill] this is cyberbullying

[trash] boo hoo get over it u big baby

[big bill] im not a big baby

[trash] sorry thats right ur a FURRY

[mom] richie fnkjsnfkdf

[big bill] just bc i like kermit doesnt mean im a furry jfc

[trash] doesnt it tho ?

[mike] i think it does

[mom] yeah

[big bill] i despise you all

[big bill] now i know how stab feels all the time smh

[stab] Welcome to the club.

[bed] he's already part of a club !!

[big bill] ???

[stab] What ?

[bed] the losers club you fools

[mom] unless u arent

[mike] oop

[big bill] :0

[stab] Wish I wasn't.

[trash] no u dont

[stab] No I dont.

[stab] You're all idiots , but you're my idiots I guess

[mom] awe stan <3

[stab] ...

[stab] <3

[bed] :) ily stan but not in the gay way

[stab] Oh.

[trash] staniel thats the nicest thing u've ever said

[stab] Don't make me regret it

[trash] no sir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it's so short , this is just a filler. i'm trying to focus on getting back into my writing because i have things i need to update. it took me so long to get back to this omg
> 
> also i was 100% ready to just put the whole bee movie script but figured that would be too much. whoops


	6. just close ur eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bev outs richie , richie and bill are gay , and bill is broke.
> 
> or : i spend an hour writing a shitty chapter that's mostly dm's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna try putting dates on each chapter ( as in the day they're texting in the gc ) , but it would be so spacey and not make any sense. like they'd skip an entire month or something between texting lol. just assume each one is the next day or something between chapters , unless stated otherwise. <3

4:14am

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[trash] cyberbullying isnt real , just walk away from the screen <3

[spaghetti] shut the fuck up and go to sleep 

[trash] no

[mom] richie go to bed

[trash] u cant make me

[spaghetti] ur annoying as hell

[trash] i know

[trash] mike mike mike mike

[spaghetti] he's probably sleeping. yknow , like a normal person

[trash] stfu

[trash] MIKE

[mike] whats up

[spaghetti] do none of you sleep ??

[mike] vincent wanted attention so im doing some homework in his pen

[trash] tell vincent i say hi !

[mike] he did a little bleat

[trash] fucking adorable

[mom] richard open ur window

[trash] what the FUCK

[spaghetti] hesbgejh

[mike] oh no 

[big bill] can y'all not i have a thing tomorrow

[trash] sorry billia

[mom] say goodnight to richie

[spaghetti] are u gonna kill him

[mom] no

[stab] Shame. 

[spaghetti] lmaoo

[mom] goodnight

1:43pm

[trash] GOODMORNING VIETNAM 

[spaghetti] its literally ?? almost two pm ??

[trash] ur point ? 

[spaghetti] smh

[stab] Did you just wake up ? 

[trash] no , but bev just gave me my phone back

[mom] ur welcome 

[stab] Why would you do that ? 

[mom] he wouldnt stop whining lol

[trash] slander

[mom] no printer just fax

[stab] Sigh.

[trash] that joke is so old

[mom] literally all of your jokes are out dated you cannot say that to me

[spaghetti] she has a point 

[trash] SLANDER

[mom] stfu bitchie

[spaghetti] omg wait

_spaghetti has changed trash's name to ' bitchie ' _

[bitchie] i hate u all

[spaghetti] this is revenge for spaghetti

[mike] lol but u still havent changed ur name

[mom] yeah why dont u change it if it bothers u

[spaghetti] shut the fuck up

[bitchie] u lIKE IT

[spaghetti] NO

[bitchie] YES

[spaghetti] NO

[stab] I'm gonna stop this before you can even get too far.

[spaghetti] stab tell him i dont like the name

[trash] staniel tell him its a good name

[stab] I suddenly have to leave.

[mom] lmaoo

[trash] STAN

[spaghetti] did he really leave

[big bill] yeah he shut off his phone

[mom] ooh yall together ? 

[big bill] yeah 

[bitchie] rude

[mom] richie u jelly ?

[bitchie] no stfu

[big bill] wait why would he be jealous ?

[mom] oh for gods sake

[mom] HE LIKES U 

[spaghetti] bev really out here doin gods work huh

[trash] SHUT UP BEVERLY

[big bill] hhh

2:01pm

son > mom

[son] beverly i am going to throttle you

[mom] rich he was going to find out sooner or later

[son] later would have been fine !

[mom] richie you two have been beating around the bush for the past , like , literally forever

[son] we have not

[son] wtf do i do now

[son] omg hes messaging me

[son] BEVERLY WHAT DO I DO

[mom] literally just talk to him dumbass

2:04pm

bill <3 > <3 richie

[bill <3] richie is she being serious

[bill <3] richie you cant just ??? not answer ??

[bill <3] RICHARD I SWEAR 

[<3 richie] calm ur tits sndsjnk i was

[<3 richie] busy

[bill <3] was she being serious

[bill <3] do you like me

[<3 richie] would you hate me if i said yes

[bill <3] that depends on if the answer is yes 

[<3 richie] uhhhhh

[<3 richie] ok so yes but

[<3 richie] before you say anything i want you to know that like

[<3 richie] if you dont like me back or whatever thats fine. like i promise it wont make things weird. just like ... idk dont feel like u have to say u like me or whatever. like i dont want u to feel pressured or anything because i wont judge you , yknow ? if u dont like me just. dont make an ass outta me , ok ? 

_bill <3 is typing..._

2:10pm

son > mother

[son] uhh i told him what now

[son] like i told him it wouldnt be weird if he didnt like me back and just 

[son] oh god he messaged me im scared to look

[mom] im like 90% sure he isnt going to reject you

[son] onLY 90 ?? 

[mom] if hes nearly as big a dumbass as u theres always a chance

[son] gee , beverly , thats so reassuring

[mom] shut up and check ur messages bitchie

_one new message_

2:11pm

bill <3 > <3 richie

[bill <3] literally if u think u liking me is doing anything close to making me feel weird idk what to tell u man. the only weird way i feel is when u wear that fucking hawaiian shirt that stan says gives him a headache. 

[<3 richie] is that ... a good thing ? 

[bill <3] idk maybe 

[<3 richie] ???

[bill <3] point is we're as big of dumbasses as the losers say bc ive been in love with u since like fourth grade

[<3 richie] well yeah we are dumbasses but they dont gotta be so rude about it

[<3 richie] wait you WHAT

[<3 richie] omfg

[<3 richie] eddies mom is gonna be so crushed when i tell her i have to end our relationship. im sacrificing everything for u. if u dont hear back from me in an hour assume we're fucking

[bill <3] i

Bill > Stan

[Bill] remind me again why i like this idiot ? 

[Stan] I've been asking you that since you told me you liked him. I'll never understand what you see in him. 

[Bill] thats mean 

[Bill] he's cute and dumb and his shirts are fun and he's funny even tho i tell him to shut up 

[Stan] There's your answer.

[Bill] ur magic

[Stan] Whatever. Just tell me how it goes , dummy.

bill <3 > <3 richie

[<3 richie] so does this mean we're dating or 

[bill <3] hold on 

[<3 richie] wait for what

[bill <3] will you go out with me ?

[<3 richie] omg !!1!1! yes !!11! of course !!1

[<3 richie] sorry not the time for jokes feelings just make me itchy

[<3 richie] seriously though , yeah , i will. i expect a ring , mr denbrough

[bill <3] ...

[<3 richie] lmaooo i heard u sigh from here

[bill <3] will a ring pop make due ? i have approximately three dollars and fifty cents in my wallet

[<3 richie] uhhh only if its blue

[bill <3] :)

2:30pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[bitchie] GUESS WHOS MARRIED BITCHES

[mom] omg im so proud of u whens the wedding

[stab] I don't think that's how relationships work , Rich.

[big bill] he's got a ring tho

[stab] What

[mom] WHat

[bitchie] _blueringpop.jpg_ ( the image is of richie holding both hands out in front of him , his left one donning a bright blue ringpop. bill has obviously taken the picture , his legs visible in richie's lap. ) 

[mom] i cant believe we missed the proposal 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit short but i wanted to get something out. i've been really busy lately , im sorry. also , i tried a new thing with describing some of the images if they aren't a direct screenshot so you can get a better idea of the behind the scenes of the texts ... thoughts ? i'll try and get the next update out soon xx


	7. oh bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some losers make bets , georgie asks a question , richie is innocent , and beverly is a lesbian
> 
> or : i rush to write a chapter and its trash , but i post it anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that i've decided i'm gonna start describing images i'm 100% gonna abuse that privilege , but uhh ,,, soft - ish richie that nobody asked for for all ur richie needs !!
> 
> by the way they're like , seniors in highschool in this , in case i never clarified hhhh

7:11pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[bitchie] gUTS LOOK WHAT I GOT 

[mom] guts

[spaghetti] guts

[big bill] guts

[bed] what did u get rich ? 

[bitchie] at least BEN cares

[mike] yeah show us what u got 

[bitchie] ok ok 

[bitchie] _imageattachment.jpg_ ( the picture is of richie in a mirror , a vibrant green ' teenage mutant ninja turtles ' shirt on , along with a pair of black overalls with a skeleton on them. one leg is on a desk chair , showing off a pair of hightop rainbow converse. ) 

[mom] first of all , ur fucking CLOTHES are adorable

[mom] second off all , where tf can i get a pair

[mike] i like ur shirt

[bitchie] thank u and i got them off amazon

[mom] were they expensive 

[bitchie] they were like , 35 dollars 

[mom] :(

[bitchie] shipping was free tho

[mom] :)

[mike] ur welcome

[spaghetti] are those fucking rainbow converse

[bitchie] yes are u blind

[spaghetti] no , thats ur job

[mike] lmaoo

[mom] oop

[bed] i like them richie 

[bitchie] thank u bed !!

[bitchie] so did ur mom , eds ;)

[spaghetti] fuck off and thats not my name , asshole

[mom] tHaTs nOt mY nAmE

[bitchie] spaghetti ?

[spaghetti] no

[bitchie] eds

[spaghetti] n o 

[bitchie] spagheds

[stab] Stop annoying him , Richie.

[bitchie] ur no fun

[mom] aww stab is protecting eddieeeee

[stab] No , shut up. He's just being annoying.

[mike] u always think he's annoying

[stab] Yeah , but thats not the point. 

[big bill] he's not that annoying 

[mom] ur biased 

[big bill] no im not

[stab] Yeah you are

[mike] yeah u are

[big bill] maybe he's a little bit annoying but

[bitchie] awe , billiam , u really know how to make a lady feel special

[big bill] stfu

[mom] dont be mean to ur husband bill !!

[bitchie] i want a divorce

[big bill] wait no 

[mike] already ?

[spaghetti] hey wait , no not yet , mike still owes me five dollars 

[bitchie] yall b e t on my r e l a t i o n s h i p ?

[spaghetti] yeah

[stab] mhm

[big bill] are u really surprised tho ?

[bitchie] nah

[mom] lmao , stan owes me ten

[mike] ill get u ur five on monday

[stab] I still can't believe you won the bet.

[bed] she wins every bet

[bed] its weird , she's like , psychic or something

[mom] i know everything :)

[stab] Not everything. :)

[bitchie] thats so ominous ???

[spaghetti] oh no , don't get into another one of those weird predicting wars please

[big bill] that was horrible last time

[bitchie] im still scarred 

[bed] we got to know each other too well that week ... 

[mike] does anybody wanna come over

[mike] my grandfather isnt home and vincent wants company. i think he's sick or something 

[bitchie] vincent is sick ?? 

[mike] idk he might be , someone is coming to check on him next week 

[big bill] i hope he's okay

[bed] i hope he gets better !! 

[mike] i think he'll be fine

[bitchie] n e ways , yeah , i've got nothing to do and my parents are arguing again lol

[bitchie] ill sneak out the window or sumth

[mom] yeah ill be there 

[stab] My father wants me home tonight.

[spaghetti] i would but my mom is going crazy today after i came home with a bruise 

[mom] rip

[mike] okay i'll see u whenever u guys get here

* * *

11:35pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[big bill] guys omg

[big bill] georgie just asked me what happy screams were

[big bill] which one of u fuckers did this

[mom] SDGDHBRD W HAT 

[trash] oh my god thats fucking gold

[trash] but also that little shit needs to stay innocent

[mike] happy screams we - 

[spaghetti] richie what have you dONE

[trash] IT WASNT ME

[big bill] are u sure 

[trash] y es. why do u all assume it was me ???

[mom] it seems like a u thing

[spaghetti] it seems like a u thing

[mike] ^^^

[bed] sorry , rich , it does seem like something you'd do

[stab] Twenty bucks says it wasn't Richie.

[mom] ur on 

[stab] Hope you have twenty dollars.

[big bill] im gonna ask him who told him abt that

[trash] i cant wait until u fuckers are proven wrong

[spaghetti] mhm

[big bill] richie i am sorry :pensive: 

[trash] hAH MOTEHRFUCKERS

[mom] WAIT IT WASNT HIM

[mom] fuck

[stab] :)

[mom] how did u know ???

[bed] its that psychic thing isnt it

[mike] probably

[trash] that shit is freaky man

[spaghetti] wait then who was it 

[trash] idk but i expect a written apology , no less than 1,000 words

[spaghetti] fuck you

[trash] are u offering ? 

[mom] bro thats bills job

[big bill] fuck off. also idk he heard some girl named jane talking about it

[mom] make me

[trash] kinky

[trash] also , jane huh ?

[spaghetti] is he ever gonna not answer with that

[trash] probably not

[big bill] yeah jane , u know her?

[trash] nah

[big bill] also its richie what do u expect

[stab] It's his go to because he has no new jokes. He just recycles them.

[mike] you freakin' killed him , dude !

[mom] omg

[trash] that hurts staniel

[stab] Good.

12:10am

mother > son

[mother] ok so im at a 24/7 diner right 

[son] why are u at a diner its midnight

[mother] im hungry 

[son] right , continue

[mother] anyway

[mother] idk if this person in another booth is flirting with me or not ?? 

[son] is she pretty

[mother] i never told u it was a girl

[son] beverly ur a big fucking lesbian

[son] we all know this

[mother] only u know that 

[son] still

[mother] yeah shes fucking cute as hell

[son] is she our age

[mother] yeah around it

[son] go get her tiger

[mother] but is she flirting ???

[son] is she looking at u rn

[mother] hold on 

[son] ok

[mother] yeah she is how did u kno

[son] shes flirtin with u :)

[mother] HER NUMBER IS ON A NAPKIN SHE ' ACCIDENTALLY ' TO DROPPED ON MY SEAT 

[son] told u 

[mother] when do i text her

[mother] do i text her now

[mother] uhh im texting her

[son] ayee ur good at being a lesbian 

[mother] she bought me a milkshake pls i think im in love

[son] dont start planning ur marriage yet me and bills needs to come first hhsjfdsd

[mother] yes sir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a crappy end for a crappy chapter :D sorry , im struggling to come up with ideas lmao. if i'd spent more time on it it probably could've been better , sorry. lowkey i suck at including all the losers :pensive:


	8. vincent van goat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things happen with vincent , stan gets exposed , and bill is sick.
> 
> or : i write more crack for all your needs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just warning you , this one is chaotic and messy , that's my bad. i was supposed to get this up earlier but i tried taking a nap and woke up at ten pm , whoops.

8:14am

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[bitchie] goodmorning fellow fuckers

[stab] Richard Tozier ? Up at 8 am ? Is the world ending ?

[bitchie] haha very funny 

[bitchie] my parents decided to pay attention to me today so we're going out to breakfast

[bitchie] p sure someone died 

[mom] are u getting pancakes

[mike] why do you think someone died ?

[bitchie] yeah ill save u some in a box or sumth

[mom] thanks

[bitchie] and why tf else would they take me out for breakfast

[spaghetti] maybe bc they're ur parents ??? and they love u ??

[bitchie] LMAO

[mike] should we be concerned

[bed] i dont like that he laughed

[stab] His parent's aren't that great. They practically neglect him unless they need something. 

[bitchie] couldnt have said it better myself staniel

[bed] they dont sound like very good parents

[mike] are u okay though ? like u dont sound very fazed

[bitchie] yall they didnt even want a boy , nvm my chaotic adhd ass

[mike] richie we love you

[bed] ^^^ !!! :( we love u and we want u

[mom] they're right , rich.

[mom] who else would i share my cigarettes with ?

[stab] Yeah. Who else is supposed to annoy me ? 

[mom] what a weird way to show ur love

[stab] He gets it.

[bitchie] first of all , @ me next time bitch

[bitchie] second of all , yall gonna make me cry in front of my fuckinh salad 

[spaghetti] did u really get a salad

[mike] ur salad ?

[big bill] yall woke me up with ur texts

[big bill] why tf u guys up

[big bill] i love u richie but pls be quiet i am trygin to sleep it is a saturday uhhhh im gonna call u when u get home gn <3

[bitchie] ok ily that was fuckin rude tho

[bitchie] and no who tf gets a salad ? gag

[bed] he's going back to bed ?

[mom] lmaoo welcome to hell big billiam

* * *

11:32am

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[big bill] i just woke up bc i thought i was dying but it turns out i was just gonna vomit sndjfnsdj

[bitchie] disgusting are u ok

[bed] oh no , are you okay bill ? :(

[big bill] uhh my mom says i have a fever so 

[big bill] bEd rEsT foR mE 

[mom] at least u have an excuse to stay in bed all day 

[bitchie] ^^^

[bitchie] but do u want company tho ? i have nothing to do for the rest of the day and im b o r e d

[mike] i hope you feel better bill. vincent misses u so you should come over when ur feeling better

[big bill] first of all , i dont wanna get u sick. second of all , tell him i miss him too :pensive: 

[mom] mike can i come see vincent

[bitchie] ur not gonna get me sick :((((

[big bill] u dont know that

[mike] yeah , ill wait for u. just come in when ur here

[bitchie] tell vincent i love him

[bitchie] bill ur mean 

[big bill] boo hoo u big baby

[mom] richie is a big baby

[bitchie] no

[stab] Yeah you are.

[mike] ...

[bitchie] this is cyberbullying

[stab] I thought cyberbullying wasn't real ? 

[bitchie] fuck off i can hear ur stupid smirk

[stab] I don't think I will. 

[mom] now now children , lets not argue

[bitchie] i am not a children

[stab] I am not a child.

[mike] technically we're all children 

[bitchie] ur ; not helping shut up 

[stab] Did you just use a semicolon ?

[bitchie] yeah

[stab] You didn't even use it right , dumbass.

[bitchie] dickhead

[mom] cHILDREN

[bitchie] yes mother ? 

[stab] Hmph. 

[mike] yall messy af 

[big bill] where's bed ? 

[bitchie] idk , bev ?

[mom] why do u assume i know

[stab] They think you know everything

[bitchie] dont you ?

[mom] yeah lmao

[big bill] so where is he ?

[mom] he had to leave for a thing with his mom today

[bitchie] lame

[big bill] oh okay

[mom] why

[big bill] idk i just noticed he hasnt been talking

[mom] oh. gtg im heading to mikes

[mike] ill see u soon

[bitchie] bill open ur window

[big bill] i just told u not to come over 

[bitchie] yeah but i wanna see u 

[big bill] fucker

[bitchie] not unless u want me to be ;)

[spaghetti] can yall not in the gc ? go to dms if y'all wanna be nasty , damn

[bitchie] u jelly eds ?

[spaghetti] why would i be jealous ? ur nasty

[big bill] lmaoo 

[big bill] just get over here dumbass 

[bitchie] smh yall so mean to me , constantly calling me names

[bitchie] arent u supposed to call me , like , darling or baby or some shit now that we're dating

[big bill] i wasnt sure if u were comfortable so i stuck to what was safe

[spaghetti] insults are safe ?

[big bill] yeah we know he's fine with them bc he always gets called them

[spaghetti] that sounds awful lmaoo

[big bill] yeah it does oops

[bitchie] ok im here now 

[bitchie] knock knock b a b e y 

[spaghetti] that aint how u spell baby 

[bitchie] it is in my world

[spaghetti] ok

[big bill] my window is unlocked open it urself im not getting up

[bitchie] k

* * *

6:21pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[mom] VINCENT IS A GIRL

[mike] thats one way to tell them i guess

[bitchie] im sorry vincent is a WHAT

[mike] yeah we found out vincent's not sick , just pregnant 

[bed] does that mean there will be baby goats

[spaghetti] i would come see vincent ( can we even call her that anymore ? ) but u know how my allergies get

[bitchie] ur allergies arent real

[spaghetti] those ones are , remember last summer when i couldnt stop sneezing when we were on the farm

[bitchie] i thought u were just sick

[bitchie] ANYWAY uhhh baby goats !!!

[mike] yeah there are gonna be baby goats

[bed] how far along is she ?

[bitchie] can i have a baby goat 

[mom] can we name the baby goats

[mike] the vet dude said like a month , your mom would kill you , and yeah sure

[mike] yall gotta pick a new name for vincent too though

[bed] can we call her trinket 

[mom] thats so wholesome

[bitchie] i like vincent though

[mike] trinket the goat

[bitchie] did yall know i picked the name vincent bc its short for vincent van goat

[mom] WAIT DID U REALLY

[bitchie] yeah i did 

[mike] why did i never know this

[bed] i thought its name was just vincent 

[bitchie] vvg :)

[mom] im gonna cry thats so funny

[stab] Wait I thought you guys knew this ?

[bitchie] no i forgot to tell them

[spaghetti] did you know ?

[stab] Yeah , he asked my opinion. I said I didn't care and he just went for it.

[spaghetti] sounds about right

[bitchie] no he absolutely gushed over it

[stab] Shut up bitchie. 

[mom] LMAO HE MAD UR SPILLING THE TEA

[bitchie] the people need to know , stanny

[stab] I did not gush over a goat name.

[bitchie] yeah ? bet.

[spaghetti] i dont like the tone he used

[bed] what tone

[bed] how did you get a tone through the screen

[bitchie] ill send them the video

[stab] Don't you dare.

[bitchie] :)

[mom] what video ?

[stab] No video.

[mike] i cant believe that of all people _richie_ has blackmail on stan

[mom] are we really surprised though

[bed] yes 

[mike] yes

[bitchie] dude i have so much dirt on him

[bitchie] we've been friends since like first grade

[stab] Unfortunately. 

[stab] But I have shit on him too so it's fair.

[spaghetti] i feel like richie and stan together are the most chaotic duo

[spaghetti] like you guys think stan is a mediator or whatever but he is _not_

[mom] stan encourages and joins in on richies dumbassery when theyre together

[bitchie] STAN WENT OFFLINE

[mom] did he rEALLY 

[mom] HE COULDNT HANDLE HIS SECRETS BEING SPILLED 

[spaghetti] omg 

[mike] how did we get here we were talking about goats


	9. how do u get a tone through the screen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry its so short guys. there might be mistakes but cut me some slack i wrote this all in one sitting and im tired :pensive: 
> 
> this is just a filler though , so that i dont go months without uploading again lmao. and also so that i could let you know that im taking requests and stuff !! check out the end note
> 
> edit : just fucking realized i never named the chapter wtf

7:31pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[bitchie] whats up fuckers and fuckees ? 

[mom] i dont like what that implies

[bed] what does it imply ? 

[mom] nothing. i dont wanna taint your pure , pure soul

[bed] :(

[bitchie] no , shes right

[big bill] sorry ben , i dont wanna get my ass beat by an angry beverly because i said something

[mom] smart

[mike] y'all are wusses

[bitchie] did u just say yall

[mike] yeah what about it fool

[bitchie] cowboy ass bitch

_bitchie has changed mike's name to cowboy ass bitch_

[cowboy ass bitch] salty much ?

[bitchie] fuck off 

[bed] that was mean

[big bill] is something wrong , rich ?

[mom] yeah whats got ur panties in a twist

[bitchie] nothing 

[cowboy ass bitch] thats a lot of attitude for someone who claims nothings wrong

[bed] ill never understand how you guys get a tone and attitude over screen

[bed] how do u get that

[mom] not the time benchilada 

[bitchie] thats fucking genius 

[bitchie] benchilada 

[mom] thats ur new nickname ben

[mom] but im not changing it in the chat bc thats too hard for the author to remember and she's lazy as hell

[bed] what

[bitchie] wjat the fuck are you on about

[mom] im gonna be honest , i dont even know why i said that

[big bill] thats fucking creepy

mom > son

[mom] is something up ?

[mom] is it ur parents again ?

[son] mom refuses to pick up my prescription today 

[son] i ran out of my meds

[mom] cant your dad do it ?

[son] no he's drunk

[mom] can you do it alone ? 

[son] nah this is the shit you have to sign for 

[son] ahaha i was diagnosed with cool kid syndrome so i take adderall 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 3:55 in the morning , i'm craving mac and cheese , and am resisting the urge to cut myself some bangs right now. what time is it there and how y'all doing ? 
> 
> also i'm posting again tomorrow , dont worry ! or at least im gonna try to.
> 
> come yell at me on my tumblr , or send some requests / prompts for one shots of the losers !! :D 
> 
> tumblr : it-shitposts


	10. can we say his name three times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richie and beverly have coffee , the fuck is real , and stan can be summoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen , ok , i know i said i'd update tomorrow like , three days ago but time got away from me. enjoy this shit show of a chapter !! i never really plan these in advance , so whatever happens happens. 
> 
> fun fact : i don't actually choose a time , i just press the first three numbers i can reach on my keyboard and slap on ' am ' or ' pm ' depending on how weird i want their conversations to be.

3:12pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[mom] finally , free from prison 

[cowboy ass bitch] haha suckers

[bitchie] just because your homeschooled doesnt mean u get to rub it in our face u meanie

[stab] You're*

[bitchie] are u fr right now

[stab] Yeah.

[mom] stabley !!

[cowboy ass bitch] meanie isnt a nice word :(

[bed] oh mike ! how is trinket doing ? 

[stab] Don't ' Stabley ' me

[mom] damn ok

[cowboy ass bitch] she's doing ok , shes tired though

[bitchie] the only person that can control beverly ( sometimes ) is stab

[bitchie] !!! trinket is. a fucking baby. and i love her with all of my beingggg

[bed] seconded

[mom] thirded

[spaghetti] fourthed

[big bill] fifthed

[stab] She's cute.

[bitchie] damn , way to ruin the chain stanley

[cowboy ass bitch] i like how everyone came on to say that they loved trinket

[cowboy ass bitch] she bleated when i told her :)

[bed] she's so cute !! :D

[bitchie] eeeee

[mom] oh , rich , did u ever get ur meds ?

[big bill] richie was without his meds ? 

[spaghetti] and you didn't fucking tell us ? idiot

[bitchie] yeah they were on the table when i got home just now

[mom] okay good 

[mom] i was gonna have to beat some ass otherwise

[big bill] did you _take_ them though ?

[spaghetti] ^^

[bitchie] not yet uhhh does anyone wanna come over :)

[mom] i can 

[big bill] i will

[spaghetti] weren't you with bill when he was sick the other day ? that's gross. you could be carrying the infection right now , you just don't have the symptoms ! do you know how unsanitary that is ? have you showered yet ?

[bitchie] jesus fuck that was like a paragraph

[bitchie] uhhh you can play rock paper scissors on who gets to come over :)

[mom] how is that supposed to work

[big bill] we're literally texting

[spaghetti] it was not ! im just saying , richie ! you could have gotten sick and you still can ! 

[bitchie] make it work. also , spaghetti , eds , spaghedward , calm your tits. please.

[spaghetti] take your medicine and shut up

[mom] okay on three we'll say our thing ok ? 

[big bill] yeah

[mom] okay one ... two ... 

[mom] three !

[big bill] scissors

[mom] rock 

[mom] haha suCKER

[bitchie] i guess she won

[bitchie] get your ass over here ms marsh

[cowboy ass bitch] does anybody know wherdnfchs n['

[bitchie] sorry i didnt catch that

[mom] u good mike ?

[stab] He tripped over a book. 

[stab] I told him not to text and walk when his room is a mess. 

[bitchie] oooo y'all together ? :eyes: 

[stab] Yes - and before you say anything , beep beep richie. 

[bitchie] damn

[cowboy ass bitch] stan offered to help out at the farm after school

[bitchie] i 

[mom] sounds like s om e b o d y wants to spend time with you h uh mike

[stab] Beverly don't.

[mom] ugh you ruin all my fun. 

* * *

10:21pm

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[mom] did u know that teeth have 36 calories

[bitchie] crunchity munchity

[big bill] hey quick question

[mom] what

[big bill] what the actual _fuck_

[bitchie] the fuck is real ? 

[mom] what ?

[big bill] are u two high im

[bitchie] no thats awful 

[bitchie] but we _have_ had a lot of coffee 

[mom] fun fact : if u have too much coffee / caffeine u can hallucinate !

[big bill] please tell me you havent had that much coffee

[bitchie] no i dont think so 

[mom] probably not

[big bill] this is why u two cant be left alone together

[mom] hey we are very responsible thank u very much

[bitchie] what she said 

[big bill] yeah ok

[spaghetti] oh my god 

[spaghetti] why do you know how many calories are in a tooth 

[mom] wouldnt u like to know weather boy

[bitchie] omg spaghetti its past ur bed time why arent u sleeping

[spaghetti] shut up dickwad

[big bill] richie ur lucky ur pretty because you're such a dumbass

[bitchie] awe u think im pretty ?

[big bill] we're literally together

[bitchie] good point

[bitchie] ur fuckin hot bill <3

[mom] richie stop being a slut on main

[big bill] oh my god

[bitchie] ur not my mom

[mom] actually my name says otherwise

[bitchie] oh shit u rite u rite

[spaghetti] i literally cannot stand this chat

[big bill] so sit down

[mom] bro i heard his sigh from here

[spaghetti] man im turning into stan

[stab] I think I take offense to that.

[bitchie] holy shit u summoned him

[bitchie] do u think if we said his name three times in a dark room he'd appear

[stab] Maybe. 

[mom] thats so ominous 

[spaghetti] im friends with a bunch of losers

[bitchie] we're literally called the losers club

[big bill] why did we think that was a good name tho

[mom] its trendy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel weird writing such short chapters but i'm working on a few other things at the moment. i promise they'll get back to being longer soon. have a good day lovelies ! <3
> 
> my tumblr : it-shitposts
> 
> sent me some requests and ideas for some more stories with these losers ! 
> 
> ( my messages slowly changing is character development )


	11. we really be out here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beverly sleeps at richies , the losers sort of confess , and richie gets defensive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really out here writing this for my own pleasure , acting like i don't have other things i have to be writing and drawing. this is my third - ish post in a row ! pretty proud of that even if there was a three day gap and these don't make any sense. they're just chaos. :)
> 
> enjoy lovelies ! <3

2:41am

son > mom

[son] hey

[son] u uo

[son] up

[mom] yeah whats up

[son] im just bored 

[mom] so u are texting me ... because ur bored ? 

[mom] i call bullshit its literally almost 3 am

[son] u think im above texting u at crazy times bc im bored

[mom] no but also

[son] also what

[mom] idk i forgot.

[mom] u got any brownies left from our sleepover

[son] yeah u wanna come over n have some with me

[mom] but that means leaving my bed

[son] yeah but are u really gonna skip out on brownies

[son] ill let u share my blanket

[mom] damn u rlly desperate huh

[son] yeah lmao

[mom] aight bet. ill be there in ten.

[son] cool cool

_read at 2:49am_

10:24am

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

_mom has changed bed's name to benchilada_

[mom] there we go

[benchilada] ??

[big bill] i didnt think u guys would actually change it lmao

[mom] do u really think im abovdvszsv;

[benchilada] uh

[big bill] u good ? 

[mom] sorry richies being a little bitch

[mom] hi im beverly and my hair is winter firenrjasd 

[benchilada] beverly ??

[big bill] wtf is winter fire 

[mom] im going to Kill richie 

[mom] GET ON UR OWN PHONE ASSHOLE

[spaghetti] why are u guys up this early

[spaghetti] ur never up before noon most days

[mom] i stayed the night with richie lmao

[bitchie] thats pretty het of u beverly

[mom] ur literally gay. im literally. not attracted to u

[big bill] i am tho 

[big bill] to him not u 

[big bill] no offense. i used to tho. 

[big bill] im gonna shut up im just digging my own grave

[mom] smart boy

[bitchie] at least _someone_ is attracted to me

[benchilada] im still confused how does he know 

[big bill] know what 

[mom] nothing he doesnt

[mom] also are u not mad that ur man just admitted he liked me 

[bitchie] i think id be a liar if i said yes. im pretty sure we all liked u at some point lmfao

[mom] wait fr ? 

[bitchie] yeah

[big bill] yep

[spaghetti] well no

[bitchie] youre telling me you've never had a crush on her ?

[spaghetti] im gay i dont know what to tell u 

[benchilada] i gotta go my mom needs me to help uhh do something

[bitchie] sure thats why ur going

[mom] fun fact : your bones are always wet :)

[big bill] fun fact : it literally would have cost you zero ( 0 ) dollars to say that. it would have been free. 

[big bill] in fact , i would have _payed_ u not to say that. 

[bitchie] u wanna hear another ?

[spaghetti] no. not at all

[big bill] is it as weird as that last one ? 

[bitchie] meh 

[big bill] ok go ahead

[spaghetti] fuck you bill

[bitchie] hey thats my man ur talking to

[bitchie] its my job to fuck him not urs 

[stab] I regret coming online. 

[mom] of course thats the conversation u come on to

[mom] also richie. honey. ur a huge fucking bottom.

[big bill] i mean ...

[bitchie] shut ur fuck i am _not_ a bottom

[stab] Who are you trying to convince ? 

[mom] lmaoo

[bitchie] i despise all of you.

_bitchie has changed their name to ' top ' _

[top] i will kick anyone who changes this

[mom] gee rich , for someone whos not a bottom u sure are gettin real defensive

[top] beverly i will push you off of this bed

[stab] :|

[top] ew an emoticon staniel what is this the 1900's ? 

[spaghetti] texting didnt even exist then dipshit

[stab] I can't stand you. 

[top] btw the fact was that humans share like. 50 - 60 % of their dna with a banana or something like that

[big bill] are u telling me i might be ten percent more banana than other people

[top] yes

2:32pm

son > mom

[son] dude dude dude

[mom] what what what

[son] dying of old age is basically dying of not dying

[mom] wtf

[son] i also read somewhere that a human has fewer chromosomes than a potato 

[mom] what the fuck is a chromosome 

[son] they taught us about them at some point but idk

[mom] lmao

[mom] u know what

[mom] im gonna have a mid life crisis because of u 

[son] u wanna hear another one

[mom] fuck yeah

[son] tradition is basically peer pressure from dead people 

[son] also !!

[mom] what !!

[son] fun fact : ur a clown

[mom] fuck off richard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure you're taking care of yourselves ! get a snack and a drink and make sure to sleep if it's late when you're reading this ! ily guys <3 
> 
> my tumblr : it-shitposts
> 
> ( i've evolved again. this time into silence. )


	12. its me the author

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a quick note

okay so i know its been a while since i updated this ( or wrote in general ) but i promise i haven't abandoned it or any of my other current works. i'll probably update again soon , but i feel like you guys deserve an explanation since it's been just over a month ( 37 days as of today ) since i updated.

i took a bit of a break from writing for a while because i'm not really motivated to do much lately. i actually haven't been on much of anything actually , i'm just sort of in a funk right now. i feel like i was writing just to post something , not because i actually enjoyed what i was doing. the quality and length of my chapters had started going downhill and i wasn't actually planning anything out anymore. now that i have to stay home basically all the time i'm hoping my inspiration will kick in so i can get something out for you guys again because i have things i need to post , lmao. i'm working on a request ( i use ' working on ' very loosely because i have like 80 words and it's just sitting in my drafts ) right now and i'm also figuring out where i'm gonna take this next. 

take care of yourselves ! drink some water and stay inside , you're all lovely and it'd be awful if any of you got sick.

~ author anne <3 


	13. mint chocolate chip ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and richie buys lube

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up , i'm back with more crack. that kind of rhymed. i'm so cool. anyway , i promised myself i'd update this like a month ago but guess what i didn't do ? 
> 
> this is ( again ) sort of just a filler please dont mind how short it is :( a new chapter is in progress so

1:42am

'according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. the bee, of course, flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossi...'

[top] the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

[mom] the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

[big bill] the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

[spaghetti] shut the fuck up its late

[stab] Why am I still in this cursed chat ?

[top] because you love us !!!!!

[mom] he's right

[stab] Debatable. 

[big bill] damn someones salty

[stab] It's late and I'm tired can you guys Not ?

[top] sorry noodle boy no can do

[mom] noodle boy lmaoo

[stab] Richie I will throttle you next time I see you.

[top] that's pretty kinky noodle boy i didnt know you were into that kind of thing

[spaghetti] god i rlly wish u knew how to shut up

[mom] he knows how he just doesnt want to

[top] ^^^

[stab] I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

[top] goodnight noodle boy i lov u :)))))

[stab] :/ Love you too 

[mom] best boy !!

[big bill] sounds like best buy goodnight stan :)

[big bill] richie im bored come over 

[spaghetti] im leaving too goodnight

[mom] cowards

[top] ok unlock ur window ill be there in like five minutes

[big bill] yessir

[mom] oh so yall into sir huh ? 

[top] ;)

[big bill] oh my god just get ur ass over here

[mom] you kids have fun , but not too much fun , alright ?

[top] yes mom

[big bill] yes mom 

_chat name changed to ' quarantine time babey '_

12:11pm

quarantine time babey

[top] who did that

[mom] :)

[top] hell yeah

[mom] did u see the thing i left u on ur window

[top] yes !! i did !! 1!

[cowboy ass bitch] what did you get him ?

[top] she got me !!!1 a tiny succulent !! 

[cowboy ass bitch] oh ! what did you name it ? 

[mom] i wanna know too

[top] i named him moby dick lol

[mom] fantastic

[benchilada] cute :)

[big bill] you got him another ?

[top] she's my succulent dealer

[mom] except instead of money i do it for love and brownies

[top] mostly brownies

[mom] yeah mostly brownies

[big bill] i ... don't know what to do with you two 

[cowboy ass bitch] wait hold on i have to

_cowboy ass bitch changed their name to ' mikey ' _

[mikey] ok

4:25pm

quarantine time babey

[mom] if i eated soap i dont eat it bc i did. no i didnt <3

[top] hey did u guys know you can buy flavored lube off of amazon

[mom] oh worm ?

[stab] Why would we know that ?

[spaghetti] why do _you_ know that ?

[top] i got curious

[top] they have mint chocolate chip for 11 dollars

[mom] buy it

[stab] Don't buy it.

[spaghetti] why would you want to buy it ?

[mikey] three kinds of people in the world ^^

[top] for science

[top] it says ' our mint chocolate chip flavored personal lubricant will have you primed for 31 flavors of pure pleasure '

[top] but like what 31 flavors sir u said mint chip am i going to taste all the components of this or

[mom] i dont know what that means lets find out

[top] ok 

[stab] This house is a fucking nightmare.

[spaghetti] are u really going to eat lube

[top] of course not

[mom] we're going to _taste_ it

[spaghetti] that's literally the same thing ??

[big bill] why are we talking about lube

[top] im buying lube

[big bill] why are you buying lube

[top] because i Want To Taste It

[mom] yeah cant u read

[spaghetti] i still cant fathom why you would want to taste fucking lube

[top] its mint chip flavor !!!

[spaghetti] mint chip is disgusting

_top has kicked spaghetti from the chat_

[mom] ohmfgndjk

[mikey] what is happening

[big bill] how can eddie not like mint chip

[benchilada] i like mint chip just ... not in lube

[top] ew its sugar free

[top] well i mean i guess there wouldnt be sugar in the lube to begin with nvm

[mom] i like my women like i like my lube

[top] minty

[mom] sweet ;)

[mom] oh that too

[stab] I think I need to leave.

[top] ok ok no more lube talk

[stab] Thank you.

[mikey] is anyone going to reinvite eddie

[mom] oh yeah

[top] yeah

_spaghetti has joined the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna put the whole bee movie script in this one ( again ) but it wouldn't format right so i couldn't :( i'm sad
> 
> also , just a fun fact for you , the lube part of this is based on a real conversation i had with my friend. so ... yeah. take that as you will , i guess. 
> 
> my tumblr : it-shitposts


	14. bill denbrough is a furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's late and ... bill's a furry ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its me !!! i'm here with another chapter that i finally got to writing. i also have like three new drafts i'm working on because who the hell actually updates their books when they can just make new ones ?? 
> 
> this chapter doesn't really have ben in it bc i wasnt sure how to incorporate the sweet boy into this weird ass chapter , he's so sweet tho so i added him at the end and he'll be in the next chapter i promise :(
> 
> anyways enjoy this dumbassery i wrote it all in one sitting at 6 am on no sleep ( it's 7 now as im posting it ). probably gonna go to bed now.

2:31am

quarantine time babey

[top] lets begin

[mom] this story needs an ending !!!

[top] a HOMOSEXUAL 

[big bill] rlly calling yourselves out in that one message huh

[mom] god im so gay

[top] mood

[top] where is everyone

[big bill] i think everyone is asleep :/

[mom] bill dont be so negative u fucking furry

[top] LMAOO

[big bill] oh for gods sake

[big bill] JUST BECAUSE I LIKE BOOTS FROM DORA DOESNT MAKE ME A FURRY BEVERLY

[mom] yes it does

[spaghetti] yeah it does

[top] yeah it does 

[big bill] this house is a fucking nightmare

[mom] whatever u say furry

[top] oh my god wait

_top has changed big bill's name to ' furry ' _

[furry] why am i dating you

[mom] bc u love him

[top] yeah because u love me

[furry] god damnit stop being right and let me be SALTY

[top] dont use the lords name in vain furry

[mom] sdjnfsdjvgdf

[stab] Hey, quick question ?

[mom] uh huh whats up

[stab] What the _fuck _? 

[top] omg stabiel !!

[top] stanny !!

[top] staniel !!

[top] mr urine !!

[top] stab !!

[top] stabley !!

[top] stañorita !! 

[top] stan the man !! light of my life ur here !!!

[stab] You're a pain in my ass but hi.

[mom] stan what are u doing up so late ?

[stab] Couldn't sleep and my phone kept lighting up.

[top] lol our bad

[stab] :/

[furry] are we not going to acknowledge the fact he can come up with so many names on the spot like that

[mom] uh huh

[spaghetti] i regret you guys adding me back to the chat what is this bullshit

[spaghetti] my mom is going to freak out if she hears my phone keep going off

[spaghetti] it sounds like a fucking sex toy

[top] how do u know what those sound like ? ;)

[spaghetti] stfu

[top] how is ur mom by the way ? 

_spaghetti is typing..._

[top] is she sore at all ? i mean we had a pretty rough round last night ;))))

_spaghetti is typing..._

[mom] oh god is he typing a paragraph or something

[furry] lmao richie ur ass is GRASS man

[mikey] how long has he been typing

[mom] like two minutes

[mikey] oh man , rip

[mikey] rich i'll make sure they don't put any daisies on your grave

[top] thanks

_spaghetti is typing..._

[mom] seriously though did he fall asleep typing or something

[spaghetti] richard fucking tozier if you make one more ' your mom ' joke i am going to throttle you when i next see you. i am tired. it is late. my phone keeps going off and my mom is going to murder me if she hears or sees it. you're lucky i cant see you right now because of the stupid ass pandemic or else your ass WOULD be grass. now i am going to bed. i hate you all. good fucking night.

_spaghetti has muted the chat_

[top] god , who pissed in his cornflakes ? 

[furry] well now i know who not to piss off when tired

[mom] lmao he'll be over it when he wakes up he likes richie too much to actually stay mad at him

[stab] Wow...

[mikey] even stan is speechless

[mikey] bev's right though he'll get over it

[stab] Okay well im going to bed so. Goodnight.

[mom] me too

[mikey] me three. goodnight i love u guys <3

[furry] me four goodnight 

[top] y'all lame

[top] ig ill sleep too :(

[top] goodnight my sweet darling friends that i adore so much and are the lights of my life <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

12:02pm

quarantine time babey

_spaghetti has unmuted the chat_

[mom] eddie ur back !!

[spaghetti] i ... am only mildly sorry for what i said. i don't hate richie. sometimes.

[top] awwwe i love u too spaghetti !!!! <3 :*

[mom] quit being a whore on main richie

[top] :(

[mom] wait im sorry

[top] :)

[top] i regret staying up so late

[spaghetti] it was like 2 am dont u go to bed later than that

[top] yeah i never actually went to bed until like ?? idk 5 or whatever

[furry] oh mood

[spaghetti] that's super unhealthy !!!

[top] lmao i know but i didn't wake up until like five minutes ago so

[top] 6 hours of sleep

[spaghetti] still unhealthy ! you need an average of 8-10 hours of sleep in order to get properly rested !!

[mom] sweetie , darling innocent boy , we're in highschool. there's no such thing as ' properly rested ' anymore.

[spaghetti] well _i_ get 9 hours every night

[furry] dont u go to bed at like 10pm

[spaghetti] yeah , even if u dumbasses wake me up at like 2 am every night , i still sleep 9 hours

[mom] lucky

4:32pm

quarantine time babey

[benchilada] wow , i missed a lot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe i started this in november of last year. i've been writing this for like , 6 months this month. ( and yet i only have 14 chapters out lmaoo )
> 
> my tumblr : it-shitposts 
> 
> or at least that's the tumblr i have connected to this ao3 lmaoo. i try to be active on it , but like ... i mostly use it for writing prompts / requests now.


	15. trinket and co.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mike shares some news , the gang visits the farm , and richie ... has news ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> absolutely no planning went into this. i have no idea whats happening in this book anymore , it just kind of happens as i type.
> 
> the end chapter notes are sort of important , but you don't HAVE to read it if you don't want to.
> 
> update : i realized after i posted this that i never added stan into the chat and that is Completely My Bad
> 
> 2nd update : also that i forgot to name the chapter
> 
> 3rd update : im so fuckin sorry if y'all are getting all these notifications

12:43pm

quarantine time babey

[spaghetti] is richie on 

[furry] no why

[spaghetti] nothing

[furry] ??? okay

[mikey] guess what guys

[mom] what !!

[spaghetti] what ? 

[furry] dont leave us hanging mikey , whats up ? 

[mikey] trinket had her babies !!

[mom] babies plural ???

[mikey] yeah ! :)

[furry] omg no way

[mom] can we come over and see them ??

[benchilada] oh that's cool mike !

[mikey] i'll ask my granddad , but if he says no i can just sneak you guys in

[top] oooh feeling rebellious are we mike n ike ? 

[mom] richie ur here !

[mikey] i just want you guys to see the kids ! trinket too !

[mom] i will absolutely be there in twenty minutes

[benchilada] can i come too ?

[mikey] yeah of course ben !

[benchilada] ok cool ! :)

[spaghetti]

[top] whats up eds ? 

[spaghetti] first of all thats not my name

[spaghetti] second of all. fucker.

[mom] lmao what did he do now

[spaghetti] he hasnt been talking to me 

[top] yes i have !

[spaghetti] telling me to say hi to my mom is not talking to me

[mom] oop are you jealous eddie ? 

[spaghetti] absolutely not !!

[furry] jealous of what ?

[mom] u

[furry] oh ???

[top] aww are you mad i've been spending all my time with billy boy ?

[spaghetti] no

[mom] i can feel him pouting from here

[furry] the vibes are strong with this one

[spaghetti] i do not pout !!!

[top] eddie you totally pout

[spaghetti] i do not ! mike back me up here !

[mikey] sorry buddy , you totally pout

[mom] yknow the thing where you cross your arms and furrow your brows and you ' frown ' ? 

[spaghetti] yeah ??

[mom] thats pouting

[spaghetti] this house is a fucking nightmare i cant believe you're teaming up against me

1:27pm

son > mom

[son] bev

[son] beverly

[son] bevvy

[son] BEV

[son] BEVERLY I AHVE NEWS

[mom] what do you want richard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/it-shitposts)  
  
leaving it on a cliffhanger so that i HAVE to update ;)
> 
> ( you don't have to read this next part , but you can if you want. its just sort of me explaining things. )
> 
> on a slightly more serious note , i just wanted to apologize for the quality of the past few chapters being so sucky and short , as well as my updating schedule being so wonky. i'm only posting this because i felt like i needed to get something out , though i guess realistically quality is better than quantity. i'm not really in a great place right now , but i don't wanna leave you guys hanging. my anxiety is hitting me pretty hard lately and i ran into a pretty big writers block. i've been trying really hard for the past month to work on my drafts because i want to post some of them , i just can't seem to get the words to look right on the page which is really damn frustrating , so i'm sorry for that , i guess. it just sucks having the inspiration but not having the motivation to do it. i probably didn't need to share that much , but i just wanted to apologize lol.  

> 
> i hope you guys are doing okay ! wash your hands , make sure to eat and drink water , all the healthy things !!! stay safe. i appreciate you guys.


End file.
